life's like 人在江湖，身不由己

i want you so badly. . But i am afraid i can't control my feelings and i can't do well for my studies. .
because of this, i chose to not think and talk about it. . Just by thinking of it, makes me feel so useless. . i can't give u a house now. . i can't even support myself now. . i know i am slower. . that's why i don't have the confidence to even talk about it. .
sorry dear. . this may sound heartless and so lousy but what i am doing is sowing the seed for the better future. . i don't like to say things i can't do it now. . i want to say it because i can do it. .
i love you. .

life's like being worried.

what happened WHAT happened WHAT HAPPENED? why is my dear ignoring me and mad at me again? i am clueless. . worried MAX. . oh dear. . it is fine awhile ago and after awhile, it's as if someone told u something not nice and u are angry and mad and ignoring me. . I am sorry dear. . i don't know and clueless and super 笨蛋. . i really don't know what happened. .
dear, i love you. . please don't. . .

What more to ask for?
Got accepted by the girl i love the most=)
What more to ask for?
Get to hold her hands=)
What more to ask for? 
Get to hug her=)
What more to ask for?
Get to peck her cheeks=)
What more to ask for?

now and forever, i will be your man...
i'm yours my dear...

life's like a string

When we really like someone and propose to him/her and he/she accepted us, It's a string attached.
It basically means that a string is attached from us to the other person we like and the relationship will be like the term, "a string attached". When either one of them ''pulls'' or "loosen" the string, they will know immediately. This means that whatever we do or where ever we go, both of them will know.

When we really like someone and propose to him/her and he/she didn't accept us, It's a loose string attached. It basically means that the string is TOUCHING THE PERSON but the person choose not to hold it. It's a sad thing because the person putting the string on that person but that person doesn't want to hold it so the person putting the string will just follow that person just to let the string TOUCH that person. Totally one-sided.

When we really like someone and propose to him/her and he/she didn't accept us but didn't reject us, It's a no string attached. It's like what the term,"no string attached". We are free to do whatever we want and go wherever we go and the other party can choose to know or don't choose to know. This type of "attachment", is the most freedom "attachment" of all but it's the most insecure one because it's like what the term, "no string attached". nobody knows where on earth is he/she or what he/she does=)

In life, there are many strings attaching and detaching. What makes a good attachment? Which part of the body of the person we love are we attaching? something can be seen or is it something that cannot be explained? If we are attaching to any parts of his/her body, we may need to think deeper why are we attaching in the first place. If we are attaching the string to something that we can't see or explained or i should say attached automatically to a place that we doesn't know, then maybe it is a diamond string attached=) 

当我们以为一切都很好的时候，也许是自己想太多，或者我们根本都不了解。

“燃燒
想像不到痛還在燃燒
以為火早已撲滅了
怎麼一見你
心又被後悔灼傷了。”

life's like the longest chinese lyrics ever

恋爱症候群  

关于恋爱症候群的发生原因
至今仍然是最大一个谜
不管性别年龄职业体重学历长相和血型
没有一个人可以免疫
有些专家学者研究后相信
恋爱是内分泌失调所引起
却有别人认为恋爱属于滤过性病毒
象感冒无药可救但会自动痊愈
不管你同不同意
自古到今许多例子证明
恋爱不但是一种病态
它还可能是一种变态
一般发病后的初期反应
会开始是改变一些生活习性
洗澡洗得特别干净
刷牙刷得特别用力
半夜突然爬起来弹钢琴
有人每天站在阳台对路人傻笑
有人突然疯疯癫癫 突然很安静
有人一脸痴呆对着镜子咬着指甲打喷嚏
有人对着小狗骂三字经
女人突然改变发型
男人开始每天练着哑铃
食欲不振歇斯底里四肢萎缩神经过敏发抖抽筋
都出现在这时期
随着病情越来越变本加厉
人会变得格外敏感勇敢和恶心
写的说的唱的都像天才诗人一般才华洋溢
越肉麻越觉得有趣
有人恋爱之后每天躲在厕所哭泣
有人开记者会宣布恋爱的消息
有人总是喜欢两个人躲在黑漆漆的地方
像做了不可告人的事情
每天忙着找人算命
挖空心思改变自己配合对方的习性
把每天都当作纪念日
把自己当作纪念品
每天漫无目的腻在一起
言不及意也觉得好有趣
走着坐着躺着趴着都形影不离
像是两人三脚又像连体婴
心里想的只有爱你爱你爱你爱你
也不管家里米缸有没有米
也不管路上有人示威抗议
只管爱你
心里想的只有爱你爱你爱你爱你
也不管海峡两岸统一问题
也不管衣索匹亚多少难民
只管爱你
经过一段轰轰烈烈热恋时期
不久就会渐渐开始痊愈
两人开始互相厌倦
互相攻击对方缺点
所有甜蜜都随风而去
然后开始从错觉和误解中清醒
惊讶自己为何如此不聪明
为了爱情不管一切
不顾父母朋友姐妹兄弟
开始感到后悔不已
然后开始感到疲惫沉闷气喘心悸牙痛头痛梦呓
然后是精神不济瞳孔放大脾气暴躁四肢麻痹
终于受不了要分离
虽然结果颇令人伤心
了解之后也没什么了不起
爱情终究是握不住的云
只是我想要告诉你
在我落寞的岁月里
你的温柔解脱我的孤寂
带给我深深的狂喜
如此颤动着我的心灵
轻轻诉说爱你爱你爱你爱你
不管是黑夜或是黎明
不管是梦中或是清醒
深深爱你
多么幸福让我遇见你 呜……

完？

因为太在乎而担心，因为担心而害怕，因为害怕而心急，因为心急而肯定，因为肯定而结束。
应该不会有多一次的机会。说出那些不应该说的话。但尽管她对我说了什么，过了一晚，一切仿佛都回到喜欢她的心境。我太自私了。咳。。 我想这次不是我死心，而是她死心了。真的完了吗？咳。。 算了。。

life's like being summarised by a song.

齊秦-袖手旁觀

寂寞讓人盲　思念讓人慌
多喝一點酒　多吹一些風能不能解放

生活有些忙　堅持有點難
閉上一隻眼　點上一根煙能不能不管

妳最近好嗎　身體可無恙
多想不去想　夜夜偏又想真教人為難

妳的臉龐閉上眼睛就在我面前轉呀轉
我拿什麼條件能夠把妳遺忘
除非我們從一開始就不曾愛過對方

妳的近況斷續從朋友口中傳到我耳畔
我拿什麼條件可以袖手旁觀
除非妳說離開我妳從不曾覺得遺憾 。


歌曲就是这么的奇妙。一首歌描述了我对你一生的感情。
算了。不想了。

life's like a stock market..

We invest in a ''certain'' stock from a pool of stocks in a stock market through ''instinct/study'' and hopefully we will get back some profit out of it.. After investing, we will switch on television to ''show concern'' to the stock we invested rather than watching television shows..
At this point of time, we don't do anything but to WAIT.
When we see that the ''situation'' not favoring towards us, we ''sell'' them away.. That's about it=)

In life, we do encounter that ''certain'' someone whom we really like=) how do we know whether he or she is the one that we really like? that's right! through our instinct and studying the person's interest, personality and many many more.. After studying, we ''invest'' on them and hope to get some ''profits'' from them.. How do we go about investing and what ''profits'' are we getting? We ''show concern'' to that ''certain'' someone whom we really like and hope to get ''loved'' in return. Exactly like what we do in stock market, we WAIT=) nothing but showing concerns and waiting waiting and waiting..
Similarly, when the situation is not favoring towards us, we let go of him or her.. That's all about it=)

I believe there will be someone in the world, who will not let go of that ''certain'' someone even though the situation have gone really really bad... People around will be advising us that this stock we are investing have gone bad and we should change a new stock BUT we just don't stop investing on the one we have invested previously despite the bad situation..
The stock goes..
+5.02, +3.45, +1.69, +0.83, +0.52, +0.01...
At this point of time, what are we still hoping for? Sell?? Yes???

I'm still hoping for a miracle to happen..
It's painful no doubt. Hope for nothing but a little ''profits'' that's all=) 
Even the situation is this bad, I'm willing to wait for her..
For her ''profits''=)
Cheers for Stock Market(Love Market)!=)
No matter how many times you were ''sold'',, i will ''buy'' you and never sell you away..
All i need is your trust and love.. Still waiting=)

落花有意随流水，流水无心恋落花。
落花无意离流水，流水有心恋落花。

life's like having "ifs"

If i am a plant, i don't want to be the tree. Instead of standing up high, i would rather be as low as the grass to be able to withstand strong wind.

If i am a bird, i don't want to be a strong one like eagle. Instead of flying nearer to the sun alone, i would rather fly lower in flocks so i am not alone all the time.

If i am in the sea, i don't want to be a shark. Instead of preying on others, i want to be the seaweed living together with other seaweeds in peaceful harmony.
 
If i am a student, i don't want to be the top student. Instead of having the reputation, i would rather stay low profile and carry on with the stress free life without having the difficulty for not living up to the standard.

If i am a presenter, i don't want my audience to learn through my slides in silent. Instead, i want them to enjoy and laugh throughout my presentation and remember those important points that were made funny.

If i have a choice, i want to be a humorous man which enables me to break the awkwardness between living man kind.

If we are together, i want nothing but your love. If loving is just about having your body and not your soul, i would rather be a fool and be watching over you this life.

累

人生就是一连串的挣扎。为什么呢？因为没有人知道你在想什么。当每个人有不同的想法，不愉快的心就出来了。曾试过因为自己喜欢一个人而因为太示爱而让对方不自在？当自己发现到对方已有了防备之心，自己会不会感觉到有一种的感伤呢？是因为对方不接受我们的感伤吗？ 如果是因为如此，自己因该需要多一点时间去思考到底对方是否是对的人。但如果感伤是因为害怕失去他/她，也许对方真的有某种的原因而退缩。但如果不是第一次的发生同样的事情，也许这段小小的插曲因该已到了一个尾声了。如果自己最大的遗憾就是没有好好争取，下次就要把握时机，不要让深爱的人错过了。如果不是第一次的话，也许他/她真的不是我们的。
不用，也不许要挣扎了。。

The Velveteen Rabbit

This friend of mine being very nice and gave me a book as Christmas gift. didn't manage to read it since yesterday night. My friend told me it's a very classic book and it's actually for kids. This book only have 86 pages and there are pictures and the fonts can be identified as a 'kid's book'. after reading it, i feel that even adults might not have that kind of wisdom.
This book is illustrating simple dialogues between soft toys as well as those toys we are playing when we are still young [of if you are still playing now, doesn't matter=)]. through their dialogues, we can see that soft toys have grades and they want to be as 'real' looking as the real thing. there is this rabbit toy made of velveteen[dictionary.com says it's cotton fabric], felt invaluable and starts to lose hope because children prefers the new toys since he is not as new as other toys. One day, he asked the skin horse[which seems to be the wisest among all the toys]:
Velveteen rabbit:What is REAL?
Velveteen rabbit:Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?
Skin Horse:Real isn't how you are made.
Skin Horse:It's a thing that happens to you.
Skin Horse:When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with,
but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.
Velveteen rabbit:Does it hurt?
Skin Horse:Sometimes.
Skin Horse:When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.

Like said, this book have much more wisdom to learn from so not going to post every one of them because different people have different interpretation. I see it as a motivation but who knows, you might think that this is just a normal conversation between two non-living things which doesn't have any power of words.
ps:Never measure other people with your own ruler.

lighted darkness

At my darkest moment...
Instead of some brief smses, you called me and discussed with me regarding the gift and even helped me find pictures and give ideas.. you came at the correct timing and it's as if i found a lighter in the darkness.
Thanks to you that the gift is on the track now. you won't like this but it's from the bottom my heart.
爱死你了！thanks alot!:)

Balancing

Leaving a busy city like Singapore for awhile is certainly enjoyable=)
Went back to Malaysia(father's side) for yearly CNY reunion with relatives and i think Malaysia is very good place for a short get-away especially for Chinese New Year. My family in Malaysia lives in kampong area so every few moments, we will be threatened by loud bangs from neighbors. It's Firecrackers=) and this year, one of my relative bought a type of firecracker which is able to produce about the same quality of the fireworks during national day and it cost around 800 ringgits! From far it looks just like a normal carton box from NTUC but close up, it's like around 12 cylindrical shapes squeezed in the carton. Because it's very expensive, he informed the whole family that he is going to light up now and many of us took out our handphone to video it down and it's either u sacrifice the chance of taking the video or sacrifice your eardrum. It's super ultra loud since we are like 5-10 metres away from the carton. It's the first time i ever seen such nice firework within few metres away and i bet many will hope to watch it with their love ones=) other than the nice fireworks, we will always play black jack and i will always lose money. yes we gamble since it's only 10cents or 20cents ringgit furthermore it's once a year and no one in the family is playing to win. we are playing to pass time=)

I feel that living in Malaysia is abit too relaxing and too carefree and Singapore is too fast(pace) and stressful. worries starts coming back once the boat touches changi village. Tomorrow i will be getting back my programming written test which is 30% of the overall grade and i obviously never do well. the report due next tuesday and so many things. it's just like fireworks. You are happily enjoying the nice fireworks and for the next moment, everything goes back to normal as if nothing has happened before. Life's is always like that. when there is happy moment, there will be depressing moment.It's certainly a good invention for video cameras to record down happy moments in our life but sad to say, nothing can record our 心灵上的喜悦.whatever captured by the videocams are merely emotionless moving images. what made those images memorable is our heart=)
It will be nice to visit a slower-pace country like Malaysia once every few months to get a balance of life. if you are good, you can even get the same balance in Singapore. It's our heart=)

break thru!

these few days have been sms-ing her and i think we are good now.. it's totally different from last time when we are not able to talk.. now we are chatting argue-ing be it face to face or via smses=)
silly her for thinking that she is disturbing me.. how can i leave her alone? and i think from these few days of sms-ing, i noticed we are able to express ourselves more to one another.. unlike last time, keeping things to ourselves and hiding parts of us as though we are nobody to one another.
i like where we are now. sharing moments and moments of our life be it good or bad.
Sometimes i really get very contented from her small actions. i guessed i'm comparing the 'her' from last time and now. i don't deny last time she unintentionally made my life quite 痛苦 but i must say, those 痛苦 last time have made me want to 珍惜 her even more now. anything she did more than last time is like a surprise to me=) we are not couple and even if it stays like this forever, i'm already very contented.
Of cos i'm more than happy to be one=)

white moon or blue moon?

5th Jan 2012, she was at my house to do chinese new year card for our fellow temple mates..

that day was memorable to me because we were chatting while doing the cards and we never chat more than that day before=) 

 Something worth commenting about is i'm totally a dumb because i'm not sure of something and i keep asking the same question which doesn't show me anywhere near. It's either she have changed throughout these years without her noticing herself or the blue moon is in my house. 

She stayed over my house in my sis's room because we noticed that we cannot finish much cards therefore, it's a last minute thing so she need to go home early in the morning to get changed and go to a workshop which i also need to attend. Her house is just nearby the place the workshop taking place.. 

Initially, i thought we are waking up the different timing as she needs to go home first but when i asked her what time she is waking up, she was saying as though we are waking up the same time (*infer* i'm going to her house the next morning together with her?). i asked her atleast 3 time to reconfirm but she never give me any more hints. In the end, i followed her to her house naturally..

I guessed it's something she would do to any friends but i'm just happy atleast she is treating me as her normal friend..  Unlike last time, we are able to chat and argue face to face now=)

whatever it is, i shouldn't be thinking of chances now.. I've missed mine..

无常

life is an example of 无常. we don't know when life ends..
It's very scary in a way that human don't see it coming or i should say nobody is able to see it coming and prevent it that's why it's call 无常-无（不是）常（平常）(abnormal)。
once heard of the life span of a human being. . make a guess, how long is the life span of a human being?
if you are thinking of the number of years, you are neither right nor wrong=) i heard of an answer which i personally think it's one of the most suitable answer which is “一呼一吸之间”。 a human life span solely depends on the breath.. which shows why it is call 无常  because no one can assure whether the very next breath u breathe out is your last breath=)
why do i bother to post about it when it's something human can't control? because i just experience 无常 and i think it's very disturbing.. my SIM CARD suddenly spoiled when i'm about to reply a sms and the thing is it's working the whole day until then.. unable to receive calls and smses and forward calls and smses is the worst.. it's like nobody can contact you as if you are being quarantined until replacement of SIM CARD.. life's like that.. it's always unpredictable=)