痴心绝对

25th december 2011, we have a small christmas celebration and it's at her house=)

reached her house with breakfast take away from my mother's stall at 9am. after 1-2 hours of preparations, decorations, i went to eat my breakfast at the table with eunice and guess what, when i'm trying to pull out the wooden chopsticks from the wrapper, my left index finger actually got pricked by a sharp splint from the chopstick! ever since i stopped working as display artist, i never got something something poke thru my finger therefore abit shocked and sharp pain.. the best part is she actually wanted to help me to pick out the splint.. i was abit shocked at first and refused to let her pick out for me because she always try to avoid giving me false information. but after she convinced me saying i'm unable to pick out myself, i surrender my finger to her.. that definitely made my day=)

To people out there: You all might think it's something that a caring person will do to anyone and i do think so too. i suppose she will help anyone to pick out the splint if anyone got it into his or her finger. i know it very well but to me, it's once in a blue moon=) she stated very clearly almost every time when i confessed to her that we are very different and we cant be together and every time, these words doesn't seems to register into my brain.
i suppose my love for her won the battle against those painful words she said to me=)
At some point of time, i'm feeling very tired.. it's something like knowing u already failed the end of year examination yet still re-doing the same paper over and over again..

明知道让你离开他的世界不可能会，
我还傻傻等等到奇迹出现的那一天。

i'm clueless about who is in her mind but i'm probably not the one=)
i know.. but i can't help it but to 默默的守候。

特别的你。

我一直以来都知道你不可能接受我。我已经没有渴望什么了。我只知道我不要有任何的遗憾所以一厢情愿的付出。当回亿时，就不会有任何的遗憾因为我知道我已经向我喜欢的女孩表白也表示了。我不知道这是爱情或习惯。我只知道有你在身旁的感觉依然根每个人的感觉不一样。一种不能解释的喜悦=）当看你写给我的那些字依然会有沉重的感觉。仿佛在我的脑海里已经猜到你会写给我的内容。 徒劳无获？ 哈哈。。。 一开始都是一厢情愿所以没有想过要有什么获。只知道能为你付出就够了。我真的不知道为什么我会那么的深情。算我笨好了。。

Out of my league

she always have some sort of sensor-like-system which can detect if guys around her want to get close to her, the system will activate and she will avoid that guy. recently, i think i got caught by the system by smsing, calling, showing more concern towards her and the good thing is, she was being frank to me by telling me that she was avoiding me which i'm happy about it. After so many years of observations, i noticed that 我不配 or i should say 我没有资格. she is too good for me. Abit sad to say, thinking about her circle of friends which easily have better quality guys who are also going after her, i sort of given up hope but it doesn't change my heart, i still have that strong feelings towards her.
i noticed i'm treating her more like a bonus which makes me want to treasure her more. i starts to get contented just by receiving her sms. The future outcome is rather trivial matter to me now. not being negative but i still cannot visualize her by my side which means i don't have a dream which also means that i will never achieve it. she is out of my league.
ps: one small and tiny, fill vasty heart to the brim.

万次的感动 vs 一次的心动

万次的感动的确能低得过一次的心动。
saw this phrase while watching a show on television and left me pondering:
''万次的感动能低得过一次的心动吗?''
Conclusion: those circumstances shown in television only appear once in a lifetime.
you may need to make 万次的感动 happen before u can start to trust those circumstances shown on television.

misunderstanding vs miss understanding

 sometimes when our views are not seen by others, should we stop and accept other people's views and reflect on our views too? when things seems to be settled down, we have another different point of view again.. we are not even at the point of relationship to be affected by different point of view.. to be exact, she is probably not affected.. it's all my guesses again.. my guesses always spark a small fire between our conversation.. she will be the positive ones who thinks that even if something fails, atleast we tried that kind of person and i'm always the negative ones who thinks that no point trying because i think it will fail from my observation that kind of person.
there is no right or wrong for different point of views but things are like that.. probably i'm always like that and made her fed up because it's always the opposite of what she thinks.. the worst of everything is we are going to stop smsing each other for sometime and i will be the one to start the ball rolling again.. it's abit sad because through this act, it just shows that the feelings are not mutual. i want her to be in my life but she have so many people around her and she doesn't need me to be around.. to be exact, i'm always thinking too much because she doesn't have the feelings for me and i'm always hoping to have more feelings from her..
knowing that it will probably take another life for her to fall for me but still waiting and hoping for a miracle.
people call that a stupid fool.
q.bert, u need a meteor to wake u up isn't it?

i want to be around..

life's like that.. what will you do if someone you like doesn't really have the feeling towards you but u just want to be around? will you be gushed with the very ''weird feeling'' when u see him or her? bravo to those who overcome and able to speak or chat with the person u like naturally and bravo to me too! After 9years, FiNaLlY.. overcome and sadly, she thought i don't have feelings for her anymore therefore, we are able to chat very naturally even though it's face to face chatting=) but she totally misinterpreted it because throughout the years, every part of my body changed except for my heart.. what to do? confess again and express affections and let the ''weird feelings'' arise again and make us not able to talk naturally again? life's like that.. there are choice but sometimes it's a chance that we shouldn't take.. exactly.. so near yet so far.. life's like that..